Role disputes is one of the four focal areas in IPT. It is one of the most common areas that maintain depression. Examples of role disputes may be a difficult relationship with a co-worker or your spouse. This could arise when both of you are having different expectations of each other. The IPT goals for role dispute are to help identify the disagreement, choose a plan of action, modify communications or expectations and to resolve the difference of opinion. Understandably, the situation may seem impossible and challenging, none-the-less, some solution often exists. Even in the unlikely case where no solutions are found, the person can learn new skills in communication, which helps him/her to self-assert and to use more effective ways of expressing anger and perhaps learning that the problem with the relationship does not lie entirely with them.

• Are you having disagreements or a dispute with someone?
• Is there someone important with whom you haven’t been getting along?

Some strategies to help manage the dispute:

1. Identify a particular relationship to focus on so you can think of what happens in the relationship in detail. The rationale being, that it can be difficult to manage, if you try to think of several relationships at the same time. Once you gain some understanding and new skills, this can be applied to many other different relationships. Sometimes just acknowledging that there is a problem can highlight the relationship’s vulnerabilities, which can be quite frightening or upsetting.

2. Take time to observe

Sometimes people can feel too apprehensive about the consequences of taking action to change things about the relationship. You may start by just observing and considering the options. This might sound simple, but others have expressed how difficult it can be when emotions are running high and it is tempting to react in the old ways, rather than to start observing. This can help you make informed decisions about changing any unhelpful repeating cycles.

3. How to observe the relationship

Pick out two typical examples of times you have spent together with the individual you’ve identified in the relationship. This may be a time when you tried to plan together or periods that you’ve noticed significant changes in how you feel, for example, not being able to sleep or concentrate, or even an increase in anger or sadness.

• Try to describe, in detail, your view of the problem and what you would like to change, as well as what you would like to stay the same.
• Next, try to describe the problem from the other person’s point of view and the other person’s reactions and feelings (this can help you understand what the other person wants or expects, even if you don’t accept it.
• Remember that communication is about listening as well as talking. What can you remember of what you heard the other person say? Were you listening deliberately or were you caught up with your own thoughts and feelings at the time? This skill can improve with time and practice. Try to add as many words, thoughts, and feelings as you can remember in your description.

4. Responding rather than reacting.

It is helpful to be able to recognise the difference between responding and reacting. Reaction is usually emotionally charged and influenced heavily by your past experiences and habits rather than thoughts. Reactions tend to be impulsive and serve to maintain many rigid and unhelpful patterns in relationships.

Are you having disagreements or a dispute with someone? Is there someone important with whom you haven’t been getting along? IC Therapies offers Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IPT). IPT is a proven treatment for depression and other comment mental health issues. It is set up to be a time limited treatment that teaches you the strategies to help you work through the difficulties in your relationship. Contact IC Therapies to book a free initial assessment https://www.ictherapies.co.uk/contact/